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Dog Diaries

The Case of the World Turned Upside-Down

by Ron Powell

~~My name is Prince Frecklebum, Greyhound Detective. I wasn't always a detective. I was a racer once, before I retired. My track name was Occam's Razor of Lightspeed Doom. You can call me Prince. Most of the humans around these parts do.

Her? That's Lady Sparklefairy, though most everyone just calls her Lady. She's my A-number-one sidekick. We're good pals, too. She was a racer once, too, just like me. She's still learnin' the ropes, but I think she's got real potential. Why, just the other day...

..."Oh, Prince. Nobody told me it could be like this!" She said from her perch on the couch next to one of the kids. The little one was sharing her goldfish and stroking Lady's head as it lay on the child's lap. The glowy box was on, it was snack time and we both found comfy spots to lay in. I let her have the prime spot next to the best treat sharer in the house. It was only my duty as Senior Greyhound Detective. All part of the job.

"Yeah, Lady, a detective can get used to this sort of thing."

"The treats, the soft cushions. All the wasted time. I should have retired a long time ago!"

We laid there a good long while, then we got up, watered the flowers, checked for the appropriate number of holes in the garden and waited patiently to find the missing goods which were missing since shortly after breakfast today.



"You realize that Mom and Dad fill our bowls on a set schedule, right?"

"Nonsense. If that were true, then Mom and Dad would be Super Villain Arch Rival Meany-Headed Bad Guys. No one that gives treats on command like they do could be that evil!"

"oh, Prince..."

Anyway, it was getting colder outside so as bedtime approached, I took Lady into our room - you know, the one Mom and Dad share with us? - to pre-warm the bed. Mom and Dad are always so happy to find me on the bed, getting it nice and cozy for them. Mom makes really big noises, so you know she's happy!



"Oh, nevermind..."

Anyway, Lady's never jumped up on the big bed before. She's working hard, though, so I thought I'd show her the more Advanced Greyhound Detective Techniques. I hopped up and made a pillow nest, er, ah, fluffed the pillows perfectly and laid down. I told Lady to hop up. She looked at me like I was a new puzzle-treat toy. "C'mon. You really haven't lived till you've had a good nap up here! You can look out the window and see squirrels in the trees, the clouds in the sky and all sorts of things that help you fall asleep real fast."

She gave it a couple tries and finally made it up on top of the bed. A couple o' circles later and she was hooked. "Oh, Prince. You're a swell fella for showing me how good life without racing is. A gal could learn to love this. Well, I guess you could say a gal has already learned to love this."

"Oh Yeah. There's so much more you have to learn. I just wish there wasn't an invisible rain cloud over the smelly treat bin all the time. THAT'S the life."

"Prince, you're ruining the moment."

She paused on the verge of saying something else when she looked at me all weird. And that's saying something, believe me.

"Prince, I feel really weird. Like, I... I can't describe it. It's like the world is suddenly not right. I have a strange, compelling feeling that..."

And without finishing her sentence she rolled over on her back, let her head dangle over the side of the bed and her tongue flopped out the side of her mouth.

"Oh, my. This. This is AMAZING. It's like every treat I've ever had wrapped around a cuddle with the kids and dipped in a car ride. Even the glowy box..."

"TV?" I asked sweetly.

"Shut up. Glowy box looks a million times better."

Just then Mom came into the room. She made all sorts of happy noises ("Her first roach!" and "How adorable!"), called Dad and the kids and they all laughed and petted her and took pictures and stuff. Lady did NOT move one little bit. They didn't even make us get down off the bed or nothin'!

That night, after Mom and Dad were asleep, she whispered to me. "Prince, thanks so much. I love that we're family now. I may give you a hard time, but I wouldn't have it any other way."

"I love you, too, kid. One more thing."

"Yeah, Prince?"

"Mom and Dad are asleep. Hop up there and lay down between 'em. If they don't wake up, that means they don't mind sharing."

She hopped up and made herself a spot between Mom and Dad. It was hard to tell who snored louder, Dad or Lady, but it was a pretty fantastic end to a pretty awesome day in the life of Prince and Lady, Greyhound Detectives.


"Uh huh?"

"I do NOT snore!!!!"

"Sure, Kid."

Greyhounds aren't just dogs, they are a way of life!