~~One beige colored alarm clock. Requires no electricity to work but does require a yard to run. No snooze button. Guaranteed to go off just before you're ready to wake up. must be placed on couch, bed, dog bed or other soft surface to recharge. No take backsies.

One black organic heated blanket. weighs 70 pounds. you will be warm (even your heart) but you will be unable to move while blanket in use. Please note, the blanket decides when you need it, not the other way 'round. No refunds, exchanges or returns.

if you take both these items, you will also receive - one tan colored drama generation device. also functions as bed seperator. once installed, your bed will be split evenly in two and will ensure that neither side has enough sheets/blankets/covers to stay warm all night. This multifunction accessory also warms your spot on the couch but often refuses to move so you can enjoy it.

My wife is selling:

One grumpy, bleary eyed, Sunday Morning Edition Grumbler. This item is prone to yelling at alarm clocks, pleading for black organic heated blankets to leave him alone and sitting exactly one spot away from its favorite spot on the couch. Grumbler has the ability to cook, clean, do laundry and care for the devices listed above*. Offering $1,000 to first taker, delivery negotiable, bonuses for quick response. ABSOLUTELY no returns on this item.

*This item has several quirks, crack-brained ideas, hygiene deficiencies, expensive habits and may bark, snap or growl when not properly recharged. Only good points are built-in computer support, wine retrieval services and does the right thing occasionally.