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Dog Diaries

Prince Frecklebum, Greyhound Detective: The Case of the Framed Detective or......The Greyt Escape

by Ron Powell

~~My name is Prince Frecklebum, Greyhound Detective. I wasn't always a detective. I was a racer once, before I retired. My track name was Occam's Razor of Lightspeed Doom. You can call me Prince. Most of the humans around these parts do.

I got myself in a real pickle. After a short ride in the wheely thing, I got thrown into the hoosgow with a lot of other dogs. A Greyhound Detective, locked up. What's this world coming to? I don't even know why I'm in here. I haven't even looked at a Volcano Mucho Grande Burrito in weeks. Something's up, I tell ya. I've been framed. Well, I got news for you, buddy! There ain't a jail made that can hold the likes of me!

First thing I gotta do is learn the players here. Find out the routine. Study the guards. Look for a lucky break. All this escape planning is really tiring. Perhaps just a short nap, first? Hey! HOLD ON! There ain't no couches in here. The sun doesn't isn't in the right spot, either. How's a 'hound supposed to nap without a comfy couch and a sunny spot? THIS PLACE IS BARBARIC! GUARDS! LEMME OUT!

"Pipe down over there!", said an old shaggy sheepdog.

"Say, bub, what's your name?" I usually try to talk tough in the beginning. It kind of sets the mood.

"I'm Sam. What you in for, kid?"

"Dunno, Sam. My humans dropped me off and the guards threw me in this place. There ain't even no couches to lay on!"

"Well, kid, I've been here a whole week. My humans left me, too. 'Least you get two meals a day. You get used to the bars and walls after a while."

"A whole week, Sam? I've been in here 10 whole minutes and I think I'm goin' crazy!"

"Like I said, you get used to it, kid. I can't even remember what a couch looks like."

A black lab in the corner chimed in. "I've been here two days, now. I wanna play fetch so bad it's gonna kill me!"

"You know what I miss? The blue sky, the green grass and that red chew toy Mom gave me. 3 days. Might as well be forever." The bulldog went on for a few minutes and made us all a little homesick.

"Look, guys," I said, "I'm startin' to work on a plan to bust outta here. Maybe if we work together, we can all get outta here. Whaddya say?"

There were barks of general agreement so we got down to work. For another day and a night, we took notes on when the guards came and went, when feeding times were and we exchanged notes in the yard. That's where the convicts go to do their business. "I think tomorrow we start planning our breakout. We got enough info. The trick is to get them to open all our doors at the same time, then we run for the front office, open the door and we bust our way outta here. We'll be fugitives, living our lives on the lamb. Or beef, or chicken or whatever kind of dog food we can find. We'll be our own pack. Sure, it'll be tough until we find new humans to train, but we can do it. You with me, boys?" Again, with barks of general agreement, we set our plans in motion. "Tomorrow, we're going to be free hounds again. Just make sure we all wait for the signal, got it?"

I couldn't hardly sleep that night, with all the excitement. Sure, it was hard going from world famous Greyhound Detective to common law breaker, but I chase the rabbits I'm given. I water the flowers in front of me. When live gives me bitter apple, I find something else to chew.

The next morning, the guards changed their routines. Instead of just one guard opening one door at a time, 4 guards came in and opened all our doors at the same time. I tell you, I couldn't have planned it any better than that. I gave the signal, which was me running past my guard and sprinting towards the open door. I could hear the other three following. The nearest guard reached out to close the door and the race was on. The opening in the door kept getting smaller as I kept getting closer. I managed to squeeze through just as the door closed behind me (I'm a Greyhound, winning races is what I do, right?), but three meaty thumps told me my cohorts weren't so lucky. There was no time to lose, it was every 'hound for himself! I turned the corner at full speed and skidded 5 feet into the outer office... and right into Dad's legs!

It was really hard to tell who was more surprised. Me, Dad or the prison's Warden who sat at the front desk. Mom came over and grabbed my collar. Now, I'm not a kissy feller, but Mom earned a few for coming to bail me out. The kids were all huggy and happy, too. Then I noticed all the other humans. Then my three cohorts came out on leashes. The other humans started filing around and picking up their hounds. I'll bet word of the horrible conditions in the jail got around and they all came to bail us out. Thanks to me! All it takes is one brave hound to fight the power. I'll bet my family put me in there just to bust those other hounds out. Imagine that, sacrificing time with me just to help other dogs. All the training I've done with them is really paying off! You can't stop Truth, Justice or Greyhound Detectives. We all got in our wheely things with our families and went off to find our homes again. Of course, Sam, the Lab and the Bulldog all thanked me for making their escapes possible. All in a day's work for Prince Frecklebum, Greyhound Detective.

[fifteen minutes later]
"That was the busiest pick up day I can remember in a long time. 4 families all at once. Usually they're spaced out more instead of coming all at once like that!"

"Just make sure, next time, you keep a closer eye on those Greyhounds, Barkley. They're fast!"

"Yes, Sir, Mr. Wardin. You can count on it."



Greyhounds aren't just dogs, they are a way of life!