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Dog Diaries

Prince Frecklebum, Greyhound Detective: The Case of the Big Houndless House

by Ron Powell

~~My name is Prince Frecklebum, Greyhound Detective. I wasn't always a detective. I was a racer once, before I retired. My track name was Occam's Razor of Lightspeed Doom. You can call me Prince. Most of the humans around these parts do.

It was an interesting day today. We got up kind of early today and were out of the house before the sun even made it to my favorite comfy spot! I barely even had time to water Mom's flowers and check the hole garden.

We took a short ride in the wheely thing and went to a really big house. It was IMMENSE. I couldn't begin to imagine how many Greyhound Detectives it would hold. Didn't have much of a front yard, though. The house was in a place called Veeyay. I know 'cause Dad said, "There's the Veeyay!" when we parked the wheely thing out front.

Mom and Dad walked me through the same kind of doors they have at the great big treat store. They kinda moved to the side when you walk toward them. Mom talked to a lady sitting in the middle of the big room we just walked into. "We're here for 'Rounds with the Hounds.'" The little lady told Mom to go to the ellervader and go up to the 2nd floor ball coney. I know what a ball is, but I didn't know what an ellervader or a coney was, but I figured I'd find out soon enough.

Boy, did I ever! The ellervader was a tiny little room that moved up and down and made my tummy all icky. When the doors opened up, we walked out side. I didn't see one one ball out there on the coney, but there were lots of tables and a little water squirter thing (though the water it was squirting tasted HORRIBLE) and lots of humans and flowers to water. Which I did. And then Dad made that face he makes when I make other people laugh for no reason at all. A few other greyhounds filed in, including my first Detective Trainee, Slobbers!! Wow it was great to see him again. He sure taught those humans how to walk around on a leash good! We sat down for a bit while someone with a really loud voice told the humans how to behave and why they should listen to their Greyhounds and how awesome we were. At least, that's what I got out of it. That was one smart, insightful human, lemme tell ya!

After getting a big blue nametag on my collar, we left the ball coney and went back into the ellervader and went up for a really long time. Like maybe a whole minute. I don't know why they're called ellervaders and not tummy challengers... Anyway, when the doors open, I expected to see a lot of people dressed up in white coats, cuz Dad said he couldn't wait to see the Vets. I didn't even know it was time for my checkup! Don't get me wrong, there were some white coats around, but none of the people in them had butt sticks or wanted to look at my eyes or teeth or nothing! Really, most of the people there were just like my humans, but maybe some of them had chairs with wheels or sticks they walked around on or stuff that didn't really matter to me. What got me was how happy they were to rub my tummy and give me ear love and treats and pettins and stuff. Some of 'em looked kind of sad at first but they got all smiley when they got to meet me. Who wouldn't? Mom and Dad chatted with the other humans while I was doing my Detective thing. I went into some of the rooms. I met lots of great people. What an AWESOME day! It went kinda quick though. It seemed like no time at all till we were back in the tummy challenger going down.

Some of the Vets thanked Mom and Dad for bringing me around and we headed out to the car and got back in.

Mom looked at Dad and said "Best Memory Real Day. Ever." Dad got a little choked up and said "My brother will be so happy when I tell him what we did today. I hope he gets to come home soon." Mom patted Dad on the shoulder, checked on me and the rest of the ride home went pretty quickly.

I dunno what Memory Real Day is, except that it was so great to meet all those people today and make them happy. Between you and me, rubbing a Greyhound tummy makes ANYONE happy, but maybe that Big House didn't have any Greyhounds of their own yet and needed us to visit? That must be it! And just like that I solved the Case of the Big Houndless House. I'm just happy I could do my part, but it was just another day in the life of Prince Frecklebum, Greyhound Detective.

[30 minutes after Prince left]

"Hey, Stan. I just sent pictures of me and Prince to my little sister. She already emailed back and said we're going to get a Greyhound just as soon as I get home. I wonder what Mom and Dad think of that!"

"Great George. Just try to get one like Prince! That boy sure does like a good tummy rubbin'! Semper Fi, Stan."

"Maybe that's what I'll name mine if I get one."

"Get two and call them Globe and Anchor. Whaddya think, Bill?"

"You Jarheads are all alike, I'm gonna call mine SEAL."

"C'mon Bill! You Navy pukes are all the same. I'm gonna call mine 'Patton'!"

"Once a tanker, always a tanker, eh John? Should I call mine Falcon?"

And for a few hours, those servicemen talked about what a great day it was and how they all wanted Greyhounds of their own.

Greyhounds aren't just dogs, they are a way of life!